Its summer time and evidently people are looking for ways to get outside and enjoy the great outdoors by standing in line days early to buy a phone that will cost them somewhere between $1,900 and $4,000 over the next 2 years depending on phone, plan, options, accessories, music, media, taxes, insurance, and repair charges.

Over on eBay there were, until eBay evidently pulled them off http://www.switched.com due to fraud concerns, folks bidding over $1,500 for the phone alone suggesting that during the first few days when there is a scarcity of the devices folks will likely pay over $2,500 for one of these things. Now, if you factor in all of the services and extras, you could get to over $6,000.

I’m thinking, as a community service, and for fun, it would be helpful to list the things you could say to your wife (I can’t picture a woman paying $6K for a tech toy, but a guy, oh some of us would do it in a New York minute) once she discovers you’ve clearly got a double challenge, she may want you to return the phone immediately or feel it is now her chance to get the $6,000 thing she has always wanted and suddenly retirement has moved out a year.

Here are Suggested Explanations:

It’s For You Dear

Women like to think we think of them all of the time yet many of us don’t carry pictures of our wives in our pockets but we all carry our phones. Explain that the larger screen on the iPhone allows you to view digital pictures your spouse better and always keeps her front of mind. If you first Photoshop a picture of her making her look thinner, and show her the picture, pointing out how good the phone makes her look (but not saying anything about weight unless you want to know what it feels like to have a phone jammed someplace that that is typically one-way out) she likely will at least agree it is a dandy device and want to use it to show the same pictures to friends and family.

It’s For The Kids

I’d avoid the argument that it will make the kids more proud of their now technically cool father, that’s been tried and I think Oprah that debunked that excuse. However, what a great way to look at the scanned images of report cards and school projects, not to mention pictures of the little rug rats. No mother would deny a father (unless you are going through a divorce and, in that case, she’ll likely get the phone) the right to look at pictures and memories of his children. Piece of advice, delete the steamy pictures you downloaded from the Internet, she’ll likely grab the phone and as she pages through suddenly discover that she wants to put the phone in that forbidden one-way spot again.

It’s For The Pets and Memories

A derivative of the Kids approach for those that have furry little ones that aren’t tied to in-laws. In this case you use cute pictures of the cat, dog, and other loved pets. Women are suckers for animals and you might even get away with pictures of the old family pet you grew up with. If you can’t find that, just find a picture of Lassie or some other really cute pet, hell she wasn’t there right, how would she know?

It’s For Work

What you actually do for a living is probably Greek to her and who knows what tools you actually need to advance yourself? You’ve probably been expensing beer for years and, really, how many of those business trips were just excuses to get out of the house and let your hair down? The iPhone is a status symbol shared with the likes of Steve Jobs and necessary to look like an executive. By looking the part promotions will be easier and faster and the extra income will result in better living conditions for all. In the end it is more than an investment in the job, it is an investment in the future of the family! (Word of caution, keep your wife from talking to your boss about this as he is likely to think you’re an idiot for paying this much just to one up the other employees).

It’s Your Mid Life Crisis Thing

Some guys get sports cars, and some run off with younger women. How much luckier your wife is that you have chosen to buy a new phone instead. Rather than wasting the nest egg on an overly expensive car, or, heaven forbid, a younger woman you have instead chosen a new phone, and regardless of how expensive it was, isn’t saving the marriage more important? And it’s an investment; you could have spent $30K or $40K on a new car this phone is a fraction of that leaving the nest egg intact and secure.

Wrapping Up

Of course you could just wait a few weeks for the better cheaper next generation iPhone and a more reasonable price. But what’s the fun in that? I mean how often does your wife, upon learning what you did, look up into the eyes of the family’s “hunter/gatherer” and think to herself “OMG I’ve Married an Idiot”. Those are magic moments that last a lifetime, or in the case of this phone, at least 24 months…